The Holy Hand Grenade

thingiverse

KNIGHTS: Run for your lives! Run away! TIM: Hahahaha, what a joke. I'm laughing so hard. ARTHUR: Okay, how many of us did we lose? LAUNCELOT: Gawain... GALAHAD: And Ector... ARTHUR: And Bors, that makes five. GALAHAD: No, sir, three knights fell. ARTHUR: Three. We can't risk another head-on attack; that enemy is too powerful. ROBIN: Maybe if we run away more, it'll get confused and make a mistake? ARTHUR: Shut up and change your armor already! GALAHAD: Let's taunt the enemy! If it gets angry enough, it might make a mistake. ARTHUR: Like what? GALAHAD: Well... LAUNCELOT: Do we have any bows left? ARTHUR: No, we don't. LAUNCELOT: We have the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! ARTHUR: Ah yes! One of Brother Maynard's sacred relics. Bring it up here! [singing] How does this thing work again? LAUNCELOT: I'm not sure, sir. ARTHUR: Look in the book of armaments. MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One. BROTHER MAYNARD: "'And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high saying, 'Oh Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin and people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large...' MAYNARD: Skip ahead, Brother. BROTHER MAYNARD: "'And the Lord spake saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three no more or less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count nor either count thou two excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three being the third number be reached then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thine enemy who being naughty in my sight shall snuff it.'" MAYNARD: Amen. ALL: Amen. ARTHUR: One... two... five! GALAHAD: Three, sir. ARTHUR: Three! [angelic singing] [BOOM]