Scientifically Accurate Luke Warby

thingiverse

I am a changed man. Just left Bribie Cinemas after watching an Australian Pirates film with Sandy by my side as we walked along the beach. I had a moment of clarity that shook me to my core. "I feel like I've been living in denial" I told myself, hearing her bogan drawl echoing in my mind. "What if Warby wasn't just any potato but more like a French Fry? Could this be the answer I've been searching for all along?" With newfound purpose, I pushed Sandy to the ground and sprinted home like a man possessed. My only goal was to change the model. After running for what felt like minutes, I burst into my mansion, stumbling slightly as I tripped over my new tortoise. I rushed into my art studio, grabbed my pen tablet, and began working with frenzied intensity like Light Yagami from Death Note. "Is this right? YES! OF COURSE IT IS!" I exclaimed to myself, grinning maniacally. "Would he wear a Yankees cap like a show-off? OF COURSE HE WOULD! He's got a receding hairline to hide." Time lost all meaning as my weary form pulled away from the computer. My bloodshot eyes landed on the clock: "Oh no, only four minutes and seventeen seconds have passed." The model has been fixed but you can keep your potato. I know how much it means to you. ----- "I am a genius," Warby said to himself while gazing out of his mother's basement window, wincing at the sunlight. "Never before has there been such an extraordinary intellectual mind as mine. My exceptional web development skills will finally earn me recognition from the women I deserve." Warby often told himself these affirmations because his life had been a never-ending cycle of rejection by women starting with his own mother. Having found a group of fellow misfits, Luke felt an unfamiliar sensation swelling in his stomach. Was it pride or just bad gas from last night's tendies? We may never know. What we do know is that Luke will likely remain a virgin unless he gets his hands on some roofies. He licked the Dorito powder off his fingers as he stood up from his "Leet Gamer Extreme" gaming chair, crumbs and debris from last night's microwave dinner falling to the floor like a waterfall of disappointment. "My 3D printing piracy site will be my ultimate statement of defiance against 3D model licensing," he announced to the empty room with Boku No Pico blaring as his anthem. "It will put me on the map and never be taken down. It is a Hydra. Nothing can stop me, and I'll remain anonymous; that's my 300 point IQ." Unfortunately for Warby-poo, he'd overlooked one crucial detail: he shared his pirated 3D models using his personal Google Drive. Absolute genius. **So here's to you, Warby, you disgusting waste of resources. May your girth never dwindle and your beard never reach its proper place.**