Prison Mike

thingiverse

I'M PRISON MIKE! You know why they call me Prison Mike? Because I've been in the joint, that's why! And let me tell you, it's no cakewalk. You really think I wouldn't push you up against the wall if you messed with me? That's just how we talk in the clink, buddy. But I'm here to scare you straight! In prison, you're nobody's b**** - and that's a fact. OH, AND YOU! You'd be the belle of the ball in there. The queen bee. The big cheese. DON'T DROP THE SOAP! DON'T DROP THE SOAP! Now, where did I learn all this? Internet. And prison. It's 50/50, both ways. Both are equal, get it? Prison stinks, let me tell you. It's not like you can just go home and recharge your batteries and come back in the morning feeling fresh and ready to roll. No way. So what did I do? I stole. I robbed. And I kidnapped the President's son and held him for ransom. AND I NEVER GOT CAUGHT EITHER! The food? Gruel sandwiches, guel omelets. Nothing but gruel all day long. Plus, you can eat your own hair if you want to. (Andy) - Wow, prison sounds horrible. Thanks, Andy! Thanks a lot. What was the worst thing about prison? The Dementors! They were flying all over the place and they were scary. And then they'd come down and suck the soul out of your body. It HURT! No, not Harry Potter. There weren't any movies in prison. This is my point: you guys have it too soft and cushy. This place is freaking awesome. The people are great. Your boss is nice. Everybody gets along. People are tolerant. People who mess up can redeem themselves. Nobody's nobody's b**** I hope that scared you straight! And from me, Prison Mike, to you, I just want to say thanks for listening and letting me be a part of your life today. You got a good life, buddy. A good life.