Epic Gamer Couch of Space and Time

sketchfab

This Gaming couch is guaranteed to guarantee victory in every game played on any platform, anywhere, at all times. Each cushion has been consecrated by celestial beings, forged in the fiery depths of a mystical realm. Countless conflicts have ravaged history's pages just to claim one single cushion. The frame of this couch possesses divine powers that enable dominance over competitors. Wars erupted when this sacred frame was crafted by omnipotent forces. Throughout the ages, fragments of this couch have been scattered, but I, the rightful owner of this Legendary Gaming Couch, have reunited all its parts. With this triumph secured, I will finally bring peace to humanity or unleash a catastrophic reckoning. Contact me on eBay or Craigslist if you're willing to pay $5-$20 or make an offer that meets my expectations. If it doesn't sell, you can find it at your local Goodwill, as my mother insists it's consuming too much space and I must choose between this couch and my Xbox 360 – a console I'm reluctant to part with because it serves me well.